Crutches and Scars

I heard sounds.  In the distance.  Mumbling.  Words I tried to make out but couldn’t.  My mind was awake but I couldn’t seem to open my eyes.  Groggy but determined, I rubbed my face and slowly looked up.  “Hello, honey,” the nurse said.  Minutes later, Matt appeared with a huge smile on his face.  He kissed my forehead and said proudly, “It’s over, you did it.”  He reached for my hand and gave it a quick squeeze.  I felt weak and shaky.  But relieved.  It was finished and I could go home.  And in that moment, nothing sounded better.

Two weeks ago, I had knee surgery.  It was a day that I had been dreading for months.  Over the past year, I’ve had an ongoing battle with my knee.  I tried everything I could to fix the problem but nothing seemed to work.  The last and final option was knee surgery.  Other than having my wisdom teeth removed, I’ve never come close to having any sort of surgery.  I was freaked out by the whole process and have accepted that I am a total wimp when it comes to anything with blood, needles and doctors.  But this was different than just a doctor’s visit or a routine testing.  It was a few moments of clarity among the chaos of IV’s, doctors and the eventual anesthesia.

This clarity comes in the form of crutches.  Sure, there are the kind that have helped me get around these past few weeks.  But I’m talking about the crutches of life.  The things we depend on.  The people we rely on.  The God we believe in.  When you spend your days completely reliant on others to help you, you start to see things a bit different.  I’ve realized I still take a lot of things forgranted.  Both little and big.  My health and time being the two biggest.  Neither is guaranteed and every single day I should be appreciative and grateful for every blessing, both large and small.

When I awoke after surgery, all I felt was thankful.  Thankful that everything went ok.  Thankful that it was over.  Thankful to my husband for being there.  Thankful for all the phone calls to make sure everything went well.  Thankful for all the prayers from friends and family.  Because I really felt them.  I don’t know how I would have gotten through that day without prayer and God.  Or the days that followed.

About a week ago, I was finally able to walk again without crutches.  Each day I’m feeling better and stronger.  It will completely heal eventually and all I will be left with is a scar.  A scar on my knee to remind me to always be grateful.

Treasure those people who are your “crutches”.  Be thankful for all that you have.  Hugs to you all!